The First Step

I know it's hard

Writing this, I too am struggling taking the first step... Again.

Depression is a killer and I've felt like I've been in the boxing ring with it for a long time.

We boxed when I wasn't good enough for my first boyfriend

We boxed when I didn't feel good enough for my family

Another round, when my sugar-coated view of the world melted from everything we experience as a collective.

Knockout, your loved ones dying, boyfriend has passed... (RIP CHARLIE)

Once upon a time,

I won.

Not when I was a child, I was king in the ring.

But entering as a new person in this society, not knowing my worth.

Every second I fought to get out of bed.

One punch. Down.

Get back up, put on a shirt.

Another punch, down on the bed.

Clothes on, I get back up and work on my hair.

One more punch, but I punch back.

I sit on the chair, I get back up quicker this time.

I punch. I start gaining momentum.

Another jab where it hurts, I start breaking free.

Round over. I'm at my friend's house.

A lot has changed since then. I've climbed mountains I never thought I had the energy for, but...

Im finding myself in this cycle again, and know I can punch back until I no longer have to fight anymore.

Please fight for your happiness, your peace.

If that sometimes means laying your ass in bed all day, sometimes we do need to do that.

But don't stay stuck or lost, take the first step.